The Pregnant Waddle

Pre-Pregnancy Weight Just Around the Corner (It's Trying to Run and Hide)

Thursday, June 30, 2005

The Tale of the Blue Shorts

Once upon a time, there was a pair of blue plaid shorts. This time was, specifically, the early 1990s, when such shorts were not uncommonly worn by young men, usually paired with a suave and fashionable T-shirt. Now, this particular pair of shorts belonged to a young man who went to boarding school in Kenya. We deduce this by the historical, archaeological, or even textual evidence of his initials, carefully Sharpied onto the tag (can you tell I’ve been reading Possession?).

Over the years, the blue plaid shorts moved many times (usually very rapidly, if being worn by the young man). They travelled to the U.S.; they explored the wilds of the Midwest and California; they came to rest on the Atlantic coast. There they settled into their senior years, the pyjama bottoms of choice, but growing a bit saggy around the waist.

Two evenings ago, their story took a dramatic turn. The young man experienced an Incident of Near-Indecent Exposure when the shorts’ waistband went the way of all elastic while he was a) wearing them and b) taking compost out to the heap. As a result, the shorts were deemed no longer appropriate for outdoor use (and somewhat precarious indoors, as well).

Yesterday, the young man’s pregnant wife appropriated the shorts, finding that they pulled up quite nicely over her belly and provided a pleasant alternative to large sundresses, especially when paired with a large tank top.

Last night, the young man tried on his shorts once again. They fell off him. After a mere day of the pregnant belly, the elastic had given up what remained of the ghost.

Thus, the shorts’ existence comes full circle (har). They have been reborn, as it were, though not as the clothing of a slim young man, but as the desperation wear of a 38-weeks pregnant woman who appears to have doubled her husband in circumference.


At 6:11 PM, Anonymous Hannah said...

It's been a while since I laughed about something I was reading online. Thanks! :)

At 1:50 AM, Blogger Nate said...

When you're done with them, I know how to replace the elastic....


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